I woke up way too early on January 1st for a young woman who had been out celebrating the New Year with friends. It was 5:30 in the morning; my heart was racing and my chest felt tight.
I thought I was dying.
I reached for my cell phone to call 911. And then the symptoms stopped. My heartbeat went back to normal, the tightness loosened, and I went back to sleep.
But that wasn’t the end.
I spent the next 24 hours with those symptoms starting and stopping about every 15 minutes. Eventually, I got scared enough that I asked my fiancé Spencer to take me to the emergency room—where we wouldn’t get answers, just some medication to treat the symptoms, a large bill, and instructions to follow up with a cardiologist.
The on again, off again symptoms persisted. I was told by doctors that I probably had supraventricular tachycardia, which is a condition that makes my heartbeat sporadically rise to over 100 beats per minute. Those same doctors said my anxiety was to blame. I was prescribed different medications, and while they helped, I was never healed. And I was terrified.
I work on the Communications team at Novo. Part of my job is to film our Spiritual Authority Cohort trainings. I was at the January teaching on healing prayer with Novo staff member Bill Randall when I felt the familiar pain and anxiety associated with these palpitations. I left the booth I was filming in to step outside and try to calm myself.
As I reentered the room, I heard Bill ask if anyone needed healing. “That’s not for me,” I told myself, “I’m here to do my job, not to ask for prayer.”
The thing is, I had never been told to prioritize my job over what God may want to do in my life here at Novo. In fact, I have been encouraged to seek God’s will in those moments. I was using my job as an “out,” when what I was really afraid of was God not meeting my expectations. I was using my duties as a Novo staff member as an excuse to miss out on the blessing of healing God wanted to pour out on me.
I sat in my chair and watched as at least a dozen participants boldly stood to ask for physical healing. As physical healings began to happen, my heart continued to palpitate, and my fear of what was going on in my body began to take over. In my fear, anger’s ugly head started to rear up. I told God how unfair it was, and continued to sit and watch miracles happen. The irony was that I was keeping myself where I was. My anger at God for not healing me was unwarranted because I had failed to even try.
How often do we miss out on the blessing God wants to pour out on us because of the messages we tell ourselves? It may be that we feel that God doesn’t want to bless us because we aren’t good enough. Or maybe because we are afraid he won’t show up. Or, like in my case, because blessing wasn’t mine to seek in that moment. There are so many excuses we make that cause us to miss out on the good gifts our Father gives! And at the end of the day, they are just that—excuses.
You know how you hear people talk about these huge, life-changing moments they have with God? Well that moment was mine. I realized I was putting God in the box I had made for him, and then getting angry at him for being in there.
By that point the meeting was practically over, but I knew I needed to talk to Bill.
I was physically shaking out of fear as I approached him. What would he say? What happens if he prays, and I feel nothing? But more than all of that, I felt expectant. If God had gotten past my stubbornness and sense of duty, what more could he do?
Even my greatest expectations were exceeded.
As Bill prayed, telling my heart to beat as my Creator had made it to, those familiar palpitations I had been feeling for nearly a month began to fade away. Not only that, but I felt energized and all the anxiety around the situation melted away. My heart felt strong and my mind felt reassured. I was healed.
It’s been seven months since the day my heart was healed, and I haven’t experienced the palpitations at all.
What I found through my experience is that realizing God wants to pour out his blessings on us is one of the hardest steps. Oftentimes, we need to simply get over ourselves—our pride, our insecurities, our doubts—and make space for God’s healing work to begin.
A.W. Tozer writes, “An infinite God can give all of Himself to each of His children. He does not distribute Himself that each may have a part, but to each one He gives all of Himself as fully as if there were no others.” If God poured his blessing out on me that January day, I know and fully believe he wants to do the same for you. The question is, are you willing to receive it?
To learn more about Novo’s Spiritual Authority Cohorts, click here.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Amy Blake and her fiancé-now-husband Spencer live in Brea, California. Born and raised on a pig farm in Oklahoma, God called her to the West Coast, where she now serves on Novo’s Communications Team as Communications Coordinator and “Resident Millennial.” She is passionate about worship, prayer, and changing how the world views her generation.